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Essential Skills for Inclusive Leaders

Network Beyond Bias

You Don’t Have to Be a White Man to Have Privilege

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I recently read a Quartz article entitled “Until I was a man, I had no idea how good men had it at work,” written by Thomas Page McBee. This piece reinforces other anecdotes (here, here, here, and here) from trans men and women on how they are treated differently — and how their skills and behaviors are interpreted differently — based on their gender presentation. If you have a moment to read these articles, they are truly fascinating studies in gender dynamics, marginalized identities, and relative privilege.

Yes, I’m Marginalized…

As a cisgender woman, I’ll never experience life as a man. McBee’s article represents an interesting thought experiment for me. It’s both exciting and infuriating to imagine the feedback-identity loop that might exist for me if I were a man.

…And I Am Also Privileged

Still, I know that my whiteness comes with similar (or at least corollary) benefits not afforded to people of color in general, and to black people in particular. I receive the benefit of the doubt in any number of situations because of my white skin.

There are still more aspects of my identity that afford me access to safety and benefits not readily available to others:

  • No visible disability
  • Married to a man
  • Born into the middle class
  • Intelligent (luck) and college-educated (luck and hard work)
  • Don’t have a serious food allergy
  • Cisgender
  • Not on the Autism spectrum (although I’m not sure I qualify as “neurotypical” due to the ambiguity in that term)
  • Have economic advantages others do not

Here’s How I Find Balance

For me, thinking of all they ways I might be marginalized because of my gender is exhausting and disheartening.

Instead, I use my energy to find ways I can share some of the benefits I receive but did not earn.

For example, I strive to:

  • Educate myself about the experiences of people of color so I can recognize and challenge both systemic and interpersonal racism. I may never get good enough at this, but I keep working at it because it’s important.
  • Look for opportunities to make environments more accessible to people with disabilities.
  • Ask people about food allergies and other dietary restrictions before I order food for a meeting.
  • Respect that neurodivergent individuals (and others) may process information differently or struggle to maintain eye contact during conversations.
  • Remember that my words matter, because people should be respected everywhere. The people whom I’ve disrespected may not be physically in the room with me, but they may be very much in the hearts of my colleagues.

We each have so much to offer. And we each benefit in ways that others don’t. When we can extend those benefits to others, we demonstrate leadership, and we get the very best that everyone around us has to offer. Learn more with my book Network Beyond Bias: Making Diversity a Competitive Advantage for Your Career.

To Be a Leader, Be an Ally

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Do You Aspire to Be a Leader?

If you aspire to be a leader, you’re not alone. So many corporate employees aspire to leadership roles in their organizations. They seek out high-profile projects, promotions, and executive sponsors. To really stand out in a company, though, you need to stand for something other than your own self-interest. Specifically, you can position yourself as a leader in your organization by being an ally to others.

Author’s Note: This article is also posted on Living Corporate’s blog and via Living Corporate on Medium. If this topic interests you, don’t miss Episode 06: #Help from Living Corporate Podcast. Rate, review, and share the Living Corporate Podcast to help others find this extraordinary resource.

You Have More Power Than You Realize

Many of us are tricked into thinking that because we marginalized in some way, we cannot (or need not) be allies for others. You have more power than you realize. You may lack privilege in some situations. But there are countless ways you may be taking your own privilege for granted.

Recognize Your Relative Power

I’ve compiled a list of examples, organized alphabetically, to help stimulate your thinking.

If you are… you can be an ally to…

  • Able-bodied … people with disabilities, chronic illness, chronic pain, and/or mobility issues
  • Black, Latinx, Asian, Native American … Each other
  • Cisgender … transgender and nonbinary individuals
  • Employed … people who are unemployed or underemployed, independent contractors
  • Female … men and nonbinary individuals
  • Gay or Lesbian … people who identify as bisexual/pansexual
  • Hearing … people who are deaf or hard of hearing
  • Heterosexual … LBGTQ individuals
  • High school or college graduate … someone without formal education
  • Industry insider … someone new to your company or industry
  • Literate … someone who cannot read
  • Male … women and nonbinary individuals
  • Middle- or upper-class … the poor, the working poor, people who are or who have been homeless
  • Millennial, Gen Z, Gen X, Boomers … Other generations
  • Native English speaker … someone for whom English is a second language
  • Neurotypical … people on the Autism spectrum, people with mental illness
  • Non-caregivers … people caring for adults with physical or intellectual disabilities, people caring for elderly parents or parents with dementia
  • Non-veterans … veterans and active-duty military personnel
  • Not in prison … people in prison or with a criminal record
  • Parent … people without children (and vice versa); partnered parents can also be allies to single parents
  • Safe at home … someone in an abusive relationship
  • Seeing … people who are blind
  • Sober … people with addictions to drugs, alcohol, or prescription painkillers
  • White … people of color

Be Honest with Yourself

Can you identify one or more areas where you have more power than others (in other words, privilege)? Is there an identity, experience, or demographic group that you’ve noticed has been belittled, bullied, ignored, or excluded in your workplace?

Now be honest. Have you contributed to this abuse in the past? Or have you been complicit by staying silent when you know abuse is taking place? You may have missed opportunities to be an ally in the past. You may not have recognized that you had a role to play.

Where to Begin

Begin your ally journey by reading books, blogs, or magazine articles from the perspective of someone with a marginalized identity, demographic, or experience. Do this often. Soon, you’ll begin to see nuances in different people’s perceptions of the world from within a shared perspective.

Think critically about how different individuals would feel in the situations you’ve witnessed at work. You may not know yet how you will intervene in the future, but training yourself to recognize opportunities is a good start.

Build a Relationship

Next, imagine you’re having dinner with a famous person whose identity, experience, or demographics match those you seek to support. You would probably talk to them about their body of work, their family, their upcoming travel plans. You wouldn’t ask them to educate you about their experience of difference.

Now, can you imagine a similar conversation with a colleague? Invite them out for a cup of coffee and get to know them as a person.

Do the Work of a Leader

Finally, speak and act with courage. Leaders must be willing to do what is right, especially when doing so goes against the grain. When you speak up for others by addressing microaggressions or calling out blatant discrimination, you establish yourself as a person of integrity. Others will see you as a leader and an ally. And, in those times when you feel you are being cast aside, you might find that you have new champions who speak up for you.

After all, you’ll already have set an example for them to follow. And isn’t that what makes a leader?

When a Recruiter Calls, Answer!

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Many people I know tell me they hang up on recruiters. Excuse me?!? Recruiters are fantastic people to have in your CHAMP network! You’re likely to be looking for a job someday, or know someone who will be.

You may or may not be looking for a new position. The recruiter won’t know until he or she asks. The job the recruiter is seeking to fulfill may or may not be your dream job. You won’t know until you ask!

Learn about the Job Market

Ask some questions about the open role. What level of experience is required? Which skills are most important? How large is the company, and what industry does it serve? Does the recruiter know the target salary for the position? A little information goes a long way, even if you’re not a good fit for the job.

Aim for Referrals

Ask the recruiter for their contact information so you can send referrals. Forward the details out to a few people in your network who might be a good fit for the role. Or consider sharing the open position on social media. You may be the link between a casual connection and their next opportunity. Imagine how much that could do for your relationship!

Author’s Note: This article is an excerpt from my book, Network Beyond Bias.

Break the Ice: Networking Events 101

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The first time you attend a networking event, such as a conference or Meetup, you may be as nervous and uncomfortable as I used to be. Most people’s biggest concern is how to break the ice. Take a deep breath, relax, and know that it does get easier with practice. Pretty soon you’ll find yourself networking at the grocery store or your child’s soccer game without realizing you’re doing it! This article, adapted from my book Network Beyond Bias, can help.

Stand Out

At any networking event, be a pop of color in a sea of gray. Smile. Consider wearing something distinctive as a conversation starter. Ask good questions, offer to help, and look for a connection. So many people are only out for themselves. By putting out a different vibe, and expecting nothing for the value you offer, others will be drawn to your energy.

Have an “Elevator Pitch”

Once you understand your personal brand, work up a 30-second introduction for yourself. Someone will inevitably ask, “So, what do you do?” You’ll want to have a clear and succinct answer to that question.

The idea is not to recite the same 75-word script every time you meet someone new. On the contrary, you want to be confident, casual, and natural in the way you explain who you are and what you create in the world. Be consistent in your messaging without sounding rehearsed in your delivery.

Give Without Expecting a Reward

When you meet someone, introduce yourself with a smile, eye contact, and a warm handshake. Ask friendly questions and be an active listener. Look for common interests or experiences that might give you “in-group” status on some level: your kids may go to the same school, you share a love of opera, or you both cheer for same basketball team.

Ask what interested them about the conference you’re attending or how they’re connected to the host organization. Chat for a bit to see if you can help the person in some way. Finding a way to help gives you a reason to ask for their contact information. Make sure you follow up by giving them the help you offered (a referral, perhaps) or by introducing them to others in your CHAMP network.

Tips for Using Business Cards

In any social situation, there are unwritten rules of behavior, and opinions will vary. The exchange of business cards is no exception. In Asia, for example, there is a formal protocol for accepting someone’s business card. In the United States, just about anything goes. Still, I find good manners go a long way in creating the all-important first impression.

Always ask for someone else’s business card before offering your own. Be sure to tell them that you would like to contact them for a specific purpose, and be sure that purpose isn’t to sell them something. (Remember, the goal of networking is to build relationships for the long term.) After they’ve handed you their business card, you may respond in kind. Conversely, if someone asks for your card, ask for theirs in return.

“What if I don’t have business cards?”

I’m a big fan of creating personal business cards for networking. Don’t use your employer’s logo – or even the company’s name.  A simple white card with your contact information will suffice, and you can get as creative as you like. You are, after all, representing your brand. You can print your own cards or order more professional ones. Sites like VistaPrint and Moo offer high quality options at affordable prices.

Include your name and phone number at a minimum. Your email address should be simple and professional, ideally some variation of your first and last name. If you don’t have an email address that matches your name or personal brand, set up a free account at Gmail or Outlook.com. Don’t go on a professional networking expedition with an outdated (or unprofessional) email address. If your name has changed, such as following a marriage or divorce, it’s important to refresh your contact information for consistency.

Consider including a tag line that reinforces your personal brand. If you’re looking for a job, you might list a couple of your strengths or most marketable skills.

Finally, if you use social media in a professional way, include these handles in your contact info. I recommend including your LinkedIn profile at a minimum.

Leave some “white space” on the card. That way, you can write down a referral or recommendation as you give it away. Or, the recipient can capture a brief note about where you met and what you discussed.

Networking Is a Super Power

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The old question for success was “What do you know?” In the information age, though, we all have access to Google. Knowledge has become a commodity and is taken for granted. What you should be asking yourself instead is “What can you do, and who do you know?” (Yes, I know it should be whom, but nobody really talks like that.) And in our global, social media-driven, freelancing economy, it has never been easier to get to know a wide variety of people. Networking allows us to create opportunities for ourselves and others that don’t already exist. We can leverage our professional networks to solve problems, help others, and inspire change in the world. Sounds like a super power to me!

Author’s note: This article is an excerpt from my book Network Beyond Bias.

What Networking Is…and Isn’t

Networking, in many people’s minds, involves some sort of smarmy, schmoozy, fast-talking fakery. Nothing could be farther from the truth! Real networking means understanding what people want or need, building trust broadly, and brokering relationships where everyone wins. For example, imagine you worked with Samir five years ago. He has since been promoted to management and is opening a new branch office in your small hometown. You anticipate that Samir will need to hire a receptionist, a couple of sales agents, and an accountant. You introduce Samir to your childhood friend, Fatima, who just became a CPA. Now Samir is one step closer to reaching his goals, Fatima is on her way to full employment, and you are fondly regarded as the catalyst of their meeting.

Not All Heroes Wear Capes

At one point in my career, I told people I was a Professional Networker. My job title was much less descriptive and had to do with Advanced Analytics. Buy my real job was to connect people who had very specific questions about the inner workings of a business to people who had the detailed, if incomplete, answers that they had forgotten years ago. Sometimes I could make that happen with one phone call or email. Most of the time, though, it involved tracking down numerous false leads, analyzing org charts, sifting through documentation, and getting creative with my questions. I saved my colleagues time and frustration and saved my company a lot of money…through the power of networking. One manager even told me that his team referred to me as a superhero in meetings because I was able to help them so consistently.

It took me a while to recognize my role as a Professional Networker. But once I realized I had this super power, I started to see how I could apply it in other contexts. By expanding my network, I began to synthesize information across disciplines and industries. I was better poised to connect more people to each other and to new ideas. By getting out of my cubicle, I found new answers to “What can you do, and who do you know?” And, as a result, I’ve created new opportunities for myself and others.

And you can, too.

Even If You’re New to the Workforce…

Even with no professional experience, you can make great things happen for people in your network. Listen to them and ask open-ended questions. Once you understand what kinds of problems people are working on or what they’re interested in, send them occasional links to articles or blog posts on those topics.

…And Especially in the Gig Economy

Networking in the freelancing space, or gig economy, saves time and money. Morgan, your blogger friend, might need an infographic for some cornerstone content. Your coworker Shae has a side hustle and will do a great job. Your recommendation can help Morgan sift through the noise of a million freelance options to find Shae’s storefront. Their small transaction via Fiverr or 99Designs, for example, can lead to a long-term relationship and more lucrative contracts. When you connect gig workers, you are introducing people for low-risk interactions, because there is relatively little money involved. They will build trust with one another over time, meaning you need to lend very little credibility to the initial exchange.

How will you use your super power?