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I happened to be visiting a city recently where I had family and a couple of meetings. Between engagements, I stopped for some lunch and sat outside to enjoy the beautiful weather. While I was sitting on a bench in a surprisingly not-so-clean park, a gust of wind lifted up my napkin. As it danced in the air, I thought to myself “Ah, just let it go – the place is littered anyway.” For the record, this is atypical for me as I’m a strong anti-litter guy. As luck would have it the wind blew it back right where it started. It actually landed right on the bench next to me. It occurred to me then how the littered environment adjusted my thinking, or more correctly how I adjusted my thinking to the environment. That day I was willing to accept litter and my being complicit with it. But that is what happens, people adjust and get comfortable, and complacent. They don’t often challenge. And status quo remains so.

We Don’t See Who’s Not There

Too often we accept things as given. Women are underrepresented, and undervalued, in a great many places. Most people simply accept this, and just don’t notice. In fact, only 33% of men believe there is gender bias in the workplace. Far fewer (only 10%) believed that women are treated unfairly at their own workplaces. Men have become so accustomed to seeing mostly men in power positions that when just one woman is added among nine male leaders, 50% of men say that is good female representation.

Recently, I was working on gender issues for a large federal agency. At their national training center, I noticed an evaluation exercise was taking place with an all-male group. I asked the exercise coordinator why all the evaluators where male. He said, “Because these are the guys that always do it – I know they can.” I pressed on, “Are there women who would also have the capability?” He had to pause and think. “Yes, but …”

This is no isolated incident. For example, 75% of all conference speakers are male. (Editor’s note: Here’s a woman for your keynote stage!) And progress is not being made. There has been a 25% drop in the number of female Fortune 500 CEOs since 2017, for example. This, despite media’s attention on the outliers, the rare new female face at the head of the corporate table.

Status quo remains status quo until challenged.

Where Are the Women?

One way to challenge is very simple – just ask, “Where are the women?”

If you see an imbalance in male panelists at a conference – ask, “Where are the women?”

When you see a conference program that is dominated by male speakers, ask, “Where are the women?”

And when you walk into a meeting where most of the seats are occupied by men, ask, “Where are the women?”

Of course, this is not an original idea. “Where are the women?” has been written about in the Huffington Post, Fast Company, and any number of other publications. But that does not mean the call to action is heeded. Even where obvious disparities exist, too few speak up and ask even simple questions concerning the disparity.

Why Don’t We Ask?

When people witness any number of forms of injustices, there are three key reason why they don’t act:

Bystander effect – the belief that others will take responsibility and act
Conformity – pressure/fear/trepidation against upsetting the opinion of the majority or to act against it.
Psychological standing – a sense of not having skin in the game – the sense that it is irrelevant to them or not their place to intercede.

Do you recognize conformity as “not upsetting the apple cart”? Accepting things as given, rather than challenging the situation? Comfort and complacency go hand in hand.

I do wonder about that park I ate lunch in, how many people notice the litter and how many would notice one more piece of trash. What if I had not only picked up my own trash, but also started picking up a good deal of it. Would others join in, or would they just think I was nutty: fighting a losing battle, and musing about what difference I could possibly make. I don’t have these answers, but I do know others witnessing my actions would consider those actions if only briefly. The starting point to solving any problem is to get people to consider the problem. To get others to see that status quo, especially where unacceptable, need not be accepted as given. Sometimes it takes just one person, and perhaps just a couple of words to shed light that turns into actions by others.

“Where are the women?”

by David S. Rowell – The Parity Consultant

Learn more about David’s work at http://www.parityconsultant.com

First, A Brief Herstory Lesson

For a lot of years, and not that long ago, women were not at all welcome in business, except in very low-paying roles. Even then, their success depended certain unspoken conditions. The first condition was that they were attractive enough to sit at the front desk and bring in men. And the second condition was that they play along or at least look the other way when men behaved badly in the workplace. This bad behavior could range from demeaning comments toward or about a woman to the serial rape of female employees.

This isn’t ancient history. These things happened within the last few decades, and women were afraid to speak up because we thought we were alone. We thought no one would believe us. The overwhelming response would be “If you don’t like it, go home.” Or “You don’t matter.” And, women were right. High profile cases of workplace sexual harassment, sexual assault, and rape repeatedly confirm these fears.

Women Are Finally Speaking Up

Now, women are collectively saying we don’t like those rules. We don’t want to be hired for our looks. Our gender should not have more bearing on our pay or job title than our education, skills, knowledge, and contributions. We don’t want to be treated disrespectfully or sexually assaulted at work. And, we’d like to make clear that if a man is mentoring us, he should not expect us to flirt or consent to things that we aren’t comfortable with. We will not turn the other way when we see it happening to others. Women are standing up for each other in ways we never have before. We realize that we cannot trust powerful men to take just one of us seriously.

#MeToo Backlash Says “Don’t Be Alone with a Woman”

Some men are now essentially saying, “Well, if you’re not going to play by our rules, we won’t talk to you at all.” Why is this such a problem for men? Seems they still don’t believe that any of these allegations could be true. They say they’re afraid of “false accusations” from the women they work with. Some men are afraid, for the very first time, of being alone with a woman because it poses a perceived risk to their public image, if not their livelihood. Their intentions, they say, might be misunderstood. In a he-said-she-said situation, someone might not believe them. And most women, understandably, have little sympathy for this newfound situational awareness. So, where do we go from here?

Practical and Responsible Compromise

Here’s a surprising point of agreement. I mean no offense by this, but a lot of women don’t want to be alone with certain men either. Many of us have past trauma from which we have not healed. When we posted “#MeToo” on social media, it was a show of solidarity, not a badge of honor.

We may have observed disrespectful comments, jokes, or other behaviors from a particular man at work and worry about his intentions. I personally have worked with dozens of men who were known (at least by the women in the office) to be serial predators of one type or another. Make no mistake. These men are NOT worried about false accusations. They’re worried that we’re onto them.

But how can men who are not serial predators, rapists, skirt chasers, manipulators, abusers, or narcissists differentiate themselves and avoid #MeToo allegations? Simple. Don’t mentor a woman one-on-one. Mentor five women instead. Hold regular meetings as a group in a public space. Be obvious about what you’re doing. Even as a mentor, spend twice as much time listening as talking. You will learn volumes about the unique barriers and hurdles these women face, and in places you’d never expect. To get an even better education and have a more lasting impact, make sure you include women of who vary in age, race, education, and physical ability. Make your group as diverse as possible.

Finally, listen for someone who says, “I won’t work with women.” What they’re really saying is “I can’t work with 50 percent of the population because I can’t trust them to look the other way when I behave badly.” That should tell you everything you need to know about them.

Status Quo: How Male Allies Can Effect Change